Whenever I used to ask my two-year-old son, Buck, where he was or what he was doing, I would always get the same response, “I’m right here.” Whether outside, inside, at play, rest or mischief, he always knew where he was, right there.
Lately, Buck has been describing his location and actions in greater detail adding the room he is in and what he is doing. But still, much of the time, he’s just, “right here.”
He’s also starting to notice where things like food and toys come from. For instance, he knows for certain that hot sauce comes from La Piedad in Broad Ripple.
The other day, he pointed to his stomach and let me know where he came from; his mother’s belly. After I agreed with him, he asked, “why?”
“Because your mom and I got married and had the right mix of love to bring you into this world with us,” I told him confidently thinking that would satisfy his curiosity. But my answer caused him to ask a very serious series of “whats” and “whys” no matter how I rephrased the answer. Finally, I pivoted and told him he could find a nice woman like his mommy one day to marry and have kids of his own.
This unexpectedly led to Buck declaring that he wanted to marry Tracie.
“Who is Tracie?” I asked?
“Mom’s nurse,” he replied giggling and red faced.
I pulled up a picture of her on Facebook and showed it to him confirming we were both talking about the same Tracie.
“Who’s that guy?” Buck asked as he pointed at the guilty husband who Tracie was snuggled up to with a smile.
“That’s Tracie’s husband. ” I told him.
“What’s he doing?” Buck demanded, his face possessed with grave concern.
“He’s right there,” I replied.
Buck’s eyebrows were tense. All gears were turning. And even though he may not have liked the answer, he got the gist.
Taking time to reflect on where I am right now, and accepting my place in the present helps me avoid “Buck” lines from forming across my own forehead.
It has taken years of practice, and is far from being mastered, but appreciating the moment of ‘now’, no matter how absurd or seemingly troubled that moment may be, gives me the ability to have peace and make change.
By looking honestly with an open heart into our past, we can attain some sense of why and how we arrived to our current position even if we don’t understand the totality of our being in the bigger scheme of the cosmos.
By understanding how our thoughts and actions lead us to where we are, we can better navigate to moments we want to exist in. And while there are no guarantees that we’ll get there, our chances of stumbling into those moments without any premeditation are pretty slim.
So here I am, with this site, slowly weening myself away from the ghettos of the internet, and hoping to write more.
Like so many before me, I simply seek to organize my thoughts and files in a place with more personal control. It is here where I am free of news manipulated into my feeds by algorithms and politics seeking to sway my emotions. It is this space, now, where I may express my most inner thoughts and feelings beyond the use of corporate emoticons and word limits.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve enjoyed romping around for years in the mud of social media, and delighted in what others have had to share. But I have grown weary of giving so much control over my thoughts, ideas, words, and art to sites run by billionaires. These corporations are simply unworthy to have such direct contact to the contents of our souls and spirits.
So here I am.
I’m right here.